he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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