omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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