dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize