i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
