I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
