dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
