You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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