FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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