I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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