I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
