my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
