Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
