Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
