hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
