I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
