I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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