You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
