Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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