Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
