i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
