Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
