come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
