Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
