I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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