I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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