And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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