Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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