i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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