how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
