I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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