My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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