this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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