hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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