If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
