...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
