In America we eat man semen.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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