we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
