i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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