Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
