What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That accounts for only three of the penises
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
