Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
