ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
