I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
