there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck appropriateness.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
