he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Terrible idea I love it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
