so that wasnt chicken after all
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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