I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
