i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
