I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
