She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
