i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
