so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
