Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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