Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
