oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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