I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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