Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
only you would photoshop your dick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
