Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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