I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize