I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
