i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
