I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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