how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
