I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
