I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize