We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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