The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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