How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
