That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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