Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize