I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
